Autumn has proved to be the toughest season in each of my cancer years so far, and 2025 is certainly continuing the pattern so far. Perhaps, as in earlier years, the phase will pass and peace will return for a while. Or perhaps autumn will signal a new phase in my illness.
The minor symptoms leading to diagnosis became clear in October 2022. Treatment was working well until I contracted an infection that required a draining operation in October 2023. Again, treatment worked well for a time but late summer 2024 led to one more operation (number five altogether, if you include biopsies).
After that has come another long period of consistent treatment and relatively sound health.
But autumn night well be striking back one more time.
Our difficult patch has something to do with our stream of visitors, now finally slowing down after a busy summer. Every visitor has been charming and a delight to entertain, but each party brings its own challenges< which can lead to added pressure on my wife and me. In the majority of cases, one or more of the visitor group will have a deep history with one of us, but know the other party in my marriage a lot less well. The upshot is everybody trying very hard but the risk of flashpoints between my wife and me. Generally we have coped very well as a couple with our new surroundings, but the pressure did catch up with each of us during September. We have each displayed our weak points and the results have been predictable. In case, I have a nasty of making critical remarks in public. My wife has her own vulnerable ways. It has taken quite an effort from each of us to discard these unhelpful habits.
All this extra pressure has come at a time when my cancer is not behaving so well. The same treatment and meds have been effective for almost a year, but my luck could not last forever. For each of the last three MRI’s, my local team gave more positive summaries than the analysis of the American team that we are fortunate to retain access to. But this last scan, the opinions and recommendations converged in a more pessimistic place.
As a result I have just started a new regime. The immunotherapy infusions will continue each three weeks for as they remain effective, but in addition I will start nightly pills of a smaller dose of the chemotherapy we used (with some side effects) back in 2023.
These changes are always scary, especially when brought about by new or stronger symptoms. The mind cannot help rushing to unsubstantiated conclusions. Is this a new phase, one with no prospect of recovery? Will these accelerate from here? Should I anticipate the worst from here?
It is quite hard to avoid rushing to the more pessimistic conclusions, but our history clearly indicates that these conclusions are usually wrong. Of course we know where this journey will ultimately end, and we have ideas for the most likely time windows. But there are positive outcomes possible too, and so far we have managed to recover from setbacks to enjoy periods of reasonable heath and even longer periods where we have used the setbacks to add further strength to our partnership. Perhaps this can happen another one or two times.
Whatever the outcomes, we will endeavour to choose paths of gratitude and positivity. Our little wobble seems to be ending, even if that has involved many tears. Most encouraging, as I see it, is how my wife is integrating into what could be a highly fruitful life in Portugal. She has a Portuguese class two evenings per week, choir with me one other evening and dancing on another evening. This all fills me with joy and pride and hope that my master plan may pay off.
Perhaps we can enjoy a further substantial period of time together with enough health to avoid serious limits on what we can do and enjoy. Then we know when my wife will have to sacrifice some things for a time while my needs for care have increased. But my goal has always been to help her as much as I can to prepare her for what will surely happen and to offer Portugal as a viable option to live, for a short or for a very long period.
It is probably not hard to spot that it has taken me twice as long as usual to produce poor quality material riddled with errors. I can only apologise and promise to try for better next time. We will try to bring positive attitudes and perhaps new new health regime will help in lots of
