Receiving Feedback

We have to improve to grow. We all have great scope to improve. Receiving, interpreting and acting on feedback is one of the most effective ways to improve. Yet, sadly, most of us are not very good at it.

Firstly, we tend to associate feedback with verbal or written comments of others, often through an appraisal type situation. That is an important and very structured way to receive feedback, but not the only one. Far more common and accessible is feedback from our own senses. Keeping those senses open is the first key to success.

My favourite example of this is leading a musical rehearsal or performance, something I am trying to develop (from a very low base). I have never been on a faster learning curve in my life, which is one reason I derive so much pleasure from the activity. Leading a rehearsal involves so many overlapping skills, and the feedback available is plentiful and instant, in the form of the sound produced and the faces producing it. There is also ample scope to experiment.

When conducting, I am amazed how tiny changes can lead to massive differences in result. As a small example, holding your hands a little lower tends to lead to a choir singing with more support from their body (but, unfortunately, also to complaints from the accompanist that they can’t see the beat). As a beginner, it is truly daunting to see how many dimensions are in play and how far there is to travel on the improvement journey.

Conducting and singing help me to use my senses better in other fields (once again, from a very low base). We receive feedback from almost everything we say or do, if only we are looking out for it. You don’t have to be a politician or business person to be able to benefit from smarter presentation of your ideas. At school we learn to write, but less to speak well, yet the latter has far more impact on our effectiveness through life. Becoming aware of the impact of what we are saying, and in experimenting with subtle differences, is a massive learning opportunity for all of us. As I have been told countless times, your body language while listening matters too.

Nowadays, we can use technology to obtain more feedback. If we are singers, we can record ourselves, no matter how painful the experience. If premier league footballers, we can find out an amazing variety of things, including our pass accuracy, our footprint through a game and how far we’ve run. While on football, did you notice that Jose Mourinho has passed nine seasons without losing a single home league game? To put this milestone in context, consider that in the last nine completed seasons, Manchester United lost 18 home league games.

So there is plenty of feedback out there without having to ask. But we can usually do better in how and when we ask as well, and also how we learn from formal appraisals.

Just as it is good advice to offer feedback in the moment, so it is a good idea to request feedback often and quickly. You don’t have to ask the boss, you can ask any witness. Indeed a neutral observer may have had a chance to notice more, especially if you pre-warned them. It is a great idea to buddy up with a colleague in your work team, and to make a habit of offering each other feedback whenever possible. I’m amazed how rarely this happens, for it is a winning strategy for all sides and so easy to do. I think one reason is the old hierarchical notion that only the boss (or customer) can give feedback.

The most common problem with feedback is its lack of candid detail. A first response to a request is usually very basic, something like “very good”. We tend to open with this because we are not sure the other party really wants the full truth, and is rather merely seeking reassurance. So make plain you want more. Ask detailed questions not just for an overall summary. Remember also to explore your strengths as well as your improvement opportunities. Maximising strengths gives better payback than working on faults, and is much more fun as well.

Most important is the technique of multiple probing. The initial feedback will almost always just be reassurance. The first probe may well be the same. The second one starts to allow the other party to conclude that you really want candour, but will still be superficial. Only by the fourth or fifth probe does the useful stuff start to emerge. Go to this level, time after time. The effort will repay itself.

A final tip is to stop the excuses. Starting as children, we develop the habit of making excuses. During an appraisal, it is common for someone to spend far more effort trying to rationalise why they said or did something than they do absorbing the lessons. We all do it, as an inbuilt defence mechanism. Especially when we have a tough relationship with the boss, we look for mitigation, for context, and even for reasons to disregard the feedback, for example that they don’t like or understand us. Tough relationships offer the most opportunities to learn, if we remain open.

To stop the excuses, just force yourself to shut up for thirty seconds, except for probes or requests for details or ideas to correct. Never say but. Always say thank you. Then reflect, learn, and probe further. Rebuttal or explanation can come later.

I’ll finish with conductors. Just because there is so much feedback available without asking doesn’t make it wrong to ask. I’ve had the chance to interview many conductors over the last year. My favourite question was to ask how they continued to improve, since it showed how few took the trouble. They gave answers about trying different repertoire or going on workshops, but few ever took the trouble to buddy up with a peer, leave alone to ask their choir. Professional snobbery at work here I fear, and the same will apply to most professions.