Trying too hard

Oliver Burkeman in the Guardian Weekly had a nice example of a situation where we might try too hard in his article last week. The case in point was getting to sleep. I am truly blessed as a sleeper. I can sleep almost anywhere at almost any time, I love to sleep, and usually it does not take me more than a few minutes to doze off. Sometimes I wake in the night and feel too lively. Then I just go downstairs, drink some hot water, read a paper, and after all that I’m invariably ready to drop off again. The only times I end up tossing and turning are the first night in a hotel, when I have jet lag, or when I have an early alarm call. Thankfully, all those situations are rare nowadays.

Not everyone is as lucky as I am, and many would give much to improve their speed at getting to sleep. Burkeman discovered a book full of advice. Much of the advice feels sensible. Lay off caffeine and cheese after lunch. Eat early, and stop drinking alcohol and using electronics a couple of hours before bedtime. Keep the bedroom cool and dark.

Burkeman’s point is that putting effort into getting to sleep might make things worse. The brain might become even more active putting the news steps into practice and wondering what might be working and what not, with a result that sleep could become even harder to come by. The whole secret of getting to sleep is having an empty brain, so cluttering it up with tips can be counter-productive.

I half-buy this argument. Many of the tips are really just good lifestyle habits. Once they are in place you don’t think about them. True, if you happen to have a boozy night, you might then lose sleep worrying about losing sleep, but in most cases we can benefit from living smartly. One of the few things I don’t like about Spain and Portugal is the habit of eating rich food late.

I find getting to sleep a good example of separating inputs from results. The result is fast sleep. Aiming for the result is counter-productive, we just worry more and our brains get more and more agitated. But working on the drivers, the inputs, the leading indicators if you like, is worthwhile.

The same logic can be transferred directly into a business context. Twenty years ago scorecards and dashboards came into fashion. They are useful for keeping score, for handing out rewards and for holding managers to account. What they are usually less good for is driving actions. My boss can scream at me all he likes about growing profit, but it doesn’t help me in my work. Should I try harder to sell more? Or try to squeeze margins? Or spend less? All of these might grow profits, but all may do more harm than good. And even if they do grow profit, that is more likely to be next year than this.

To drive action, it is more useful to focus on leading indicators or drivers. These are things people can act on, that will usually create better outcomes later. It often makes sense to have two dashboards, one of the leading indicators and one of the outcomes. It is also a good exercise to try to establish what good leading indicators are.

There are many other good goals in life that should be treated as outcomes and strived for not directly but only through other factors. Think of popularity. If we try to too hard to popular, we will surely fail, and most things we try will only make the result worse. But it is possible to come up with many smart ways to live that might together lead to being popular. Justice might also fit into this category.

What about finding peace, or serenity, or even God? Don’t go looking to hard! In the case of God, some people look so hard that they see Him everywhere. Then He lets them down and they are broken. No, it is better to let such things come to you. Get the lifestyle right, get the attitude right, and perhaps the happy outcome will seek you out.

Burkeman’s piece also led me to other situations where it is smarter to lay off then to get directly involved.

We saw a beautiful example earlier this month, with the Scottish referendum. Once the polls started to get close, the English politicians all panicked, and started making speeches and even visiting Scotland. Everything they did made things worse. Even direct promises were not taken at face value but seen as evidence of some kind of malice. I think if I was Scottish I would have felt the same. Luckily, we got the right result, at least in my opinion, despite the best efforts of the English to secure the wrong one.

Another good example is when you have some dispute with your boss at work. Nowadays, we are often told to be active in difficult situations rather than hiding away. I believe that when there is a problem with the boss hiding can be a smarter strategy.

In simple terms a problem with the boss can be about you or it can be about him or her. If it is about you, then sort yourself out. Get some feedback from someone else, do what you need to do, demonstrate change, and perhaps the problem will go away.

If it is about him or her, then you start running risks. Often, a boss starts to take things out on staff when under performance pressure. The root cause of that is usually a lack of sufficient competence or a lack of sufficient competence. When suffering through that, the last thing the boss wants is a complaining staff member. Even if it starts with good intentions on both sides, the conversation can go horribly wrong. The boss will see every complaint as self-criticism. That piles problem on problem. At a certain point, the boss will think “I don’t need to take this from this person, they report to me not the other way around”. They will stop listening and start firing back. Things can escalate. Awkward history is created. Things finish worse than they started.

If you have a problem with your boss, and let’s face it most of us usually do, then back luck. I recommend subtler remedies than confrontation. First, make sure you only accept a job where you are confident that you can get on with the boss. A good boss is a passport to a happy job. Take a bad job with a good boss before a good job with a bad boss.

Once you are faced with the situation, be patient. You might get a move. More likely, he or she might get a move. There might be a reorganization, such things happen often enough. Wait it out, and stay out of the line of fire. While you are waiting, be rather cautious. Be very clear about expectations, and make sure you don’t give ammunition to get at you. Buddy up with others in the team to address issues together, indirectly. No matter how distasteful, try to make the boss seem good in front of his own boss and his colleagues.

There are many strategies, all usually better than confrontation. Going to HR with a complaint is the worst strategy of all, unless you are faced with something blatant like abuse.

Another situation to be careful is in a long-term relationship. Of course honesty and respect are great goals where attainable, but sometimes there are situations where a good outcome from an intervention is unrealistic. Than you face a choice. Get out, put up with the situation and try to manage it, or confront it. Before you confront it, make sure you are ready for the consequences.

One thing you can be sure if you choose to confront a relationship difficulty head on. You won’t be sleeping well for a while, whether you lay off alcohol and caffeine or whether you don’t.