Seeking Peace

I have a feeling that peace is ripe for a comeback.

This has been a strange summer for me in terms of my own peace. We started with a long series of visitors to entertain in New York. Then we took a trip to Portugal, almost my epitome of peace. But the two-week trip was less peaceful than usual, because we entertained a series of visitors. Still, there is always plenty of peace there. One of the greatest blessings of returning to the same place is the removal of stress – packing, travelling, finding eating places and so on are all familiar and peaceful.

Once we got home, we started the process of moving house, and peace took a back seat for a long period. The commercial aspects were simple enough, but the physical and emotional ones tough, and not over yet. Only now do I start to enjoy some routine in the new house, with a few quieter days and a regular pattern of sleep.

Interspersed with this, I indulged myself with two music weeks this summer, at Princeton and last week in Boston. It is hard to imagine better therapy from the house move. Boston was an early music festival, based in a seminary and with a strong spiritual component to both the music and the rest of the experience. I entered feeling stressed and aching, and left a week later with peace running through my body and brain. I am a lucky boy.

In two weeks time the summer will end with our nest becoming empty, as both kids depart for college. In one case, this involves intercontinental relocation. Her mum will accompany her for two weeks, but it is still a change of great magnitude. Once Carmela returns, there will be a new routine to our lives, one that has much to look forward to but also many challenges.

During all this, my daughter in London has had an eventful summer too. Already managing a relationship across two continents, she has moved apartments, upgraded her existing apartment and then rented it out, all major projects. Meanwhile she is still in her first year of professional practice and suffered a hospitalizing illness.

This roller coaster of a summer has left me yearning for the peaceful life I had before and hopefully can return to. I have come to appreciate its predictability and its gentle routines much more once these factors have departed. And I have cherished the moments and periods of peace that I could snatch even more than usual, as well as contemplating why such things offer peace.

In recent years I’ve been spending more time than previously in places of worship, and I am wondering if peace is the key to their appeal. It is striking how often the word comes up during Christian services. We offer each other peace, we ask for the peace of God and we close with a wish for peace. We don’t offer each other love, or joy, or excitement or fulfillment, we choose peace.

Peace is an even more prevalent theme towards the end of life. At the nursing home where we volunteer, nuns are essentially preparing residents for a peaceful death. That is a beautiful thing to witness, and the serenity of the residents and goodness of the ones reflects peace on us too, each time we visit. Each time I get close to nuns or priests or seminarians, I can appreciate the simplicity of their chosen life even more and understand why someone might choose it.

That end of life emphasis might be one reason why peace doesn’t get quoted so often as a key goal. It is associated with retirement, closure, slowing down, and even death. Paradise is seen as eternal peace, and we maybe miss the implication that it could be peace we should be looking for while we are here too. It can be noted that peace is the main desire of babies as well. It is just between the extremes we lose our way.

Think of all the things that peace can be seen as the opposite of, and its desirability might be even clearer. It is the opposite of war of course, but also of anger, hate, fear, longing, guilt, shame, debt, stress or pain. Imagine a life without all those ailments!

When I retired early, people asked me what I was seeking, and I can’t recall replying or thinking about peace. My mother and others tried hard to stop me, and part of the reason was a fear that inactivity would lead to rapid decline. But I think I may have stumbled upon something rather rare and special.

Of course, peace never sold much, so the advertisements we are surrounded by rarely seem to promote peace. And we seem to have fallen for the trick. Think of major trends in society, and consider how they promote anything but peace.

One trend is the shift to urban living, with its high pace and intensity. Another trend is towards activity and experience based leisure. For myself, I still remember when I started taking a third week to my annual leave, and the deep feeling of peace that arrived somewhere during week two. A further trend is towards intense connection on social media, with its action focus and implied expectation to show off and keep up with the frenetic pace of others. Finally, those with work put in ever-longer days; while those without suffer all the ailments that peace is the opposite of. Inequality does peace few favours.

So, if we agree that it is a great goal not just for older people, are there things we can do to create more peace in our lives? As usual, identifying the goal is an important first step, one that would immediately lead to smarter choices.

If we can, we can avoid the headlong rush to experience more and more, to fill our facebook timelines. This past weekend our daughter went on a camping trip. They lasted a few hours, then it rained, so they drove on a whim to Boston, and then a few hours later through the night to Philadelphia. Now, OK, they are kids and experimenting, it was healthy enough, but a funny example of modern impulsive life.

If we have a holiday, we can travel more slowly, or arrive home a day earlier, or do one less activity while we are there. If we have a free weekend, we can just enjoy each other’s company around the house rather than rushing to the shops. If we have a family reunion it is not so easy – peace is not how I would classify my trips to Manila, lurching from meal engagement to meal engagement on clogged roads.

Then we can find peaceful routines in our days and in our weeks, and learn to savour them. No matter how busy we are, we can find oases. We can also find ways to ration our use of social media. We might even consider something religious or mindful.

Perhaps the most important thing of all is to value our sleeping. We cut corners with sleep at our peril. It is OK for short periods during projects or times of change, but getting back into a regular sleep pattern must be a priority. Peace will often follow, and ailment opposites have more chance of fading away.

So, let us seek peace, deep peace of mind and body. Let us try to help those who are dear to us towards peace too. May peace be with you.