More Happiness Tips

Time Magazine weighed into the happiness tipping game last week, quoting a science backed survey and highlighting eight ideas. These are hardly deep thoughts – most are marginal, and assume a developed world lifestyle absent fundamental inhibitors to happiness – but they are interesting nonetheless.

Top of the list comes moderating our use of social media. This sort of advice becomes more and more common these days, and it feels smart. One way to view social media overuse is in the same way as an addiction, and in the most severe cases it probably counts as an addiction. Addictions are compulsions that we lose control over, and which ultimately harm us either directly (such as with alcohol related diseases or debts from gambling) or indirectly, in that they suck up so much of our time and attention that other important aspects of a healthy life get squeezed out.

I would expand the category of social media to include all screen based time fillers. Perhaps foremost of these are computer games, which have become central to many young lives in recent years. An excellent article by Ryan Avent in 1843 (formerly Intelligent Life) examined this phenomenon and raised some interesting challenges. He found that two reasons that people (often young men) become attached to computer games are that it has become possible to live incredibly cheaply and that traditional work is so hard to find nowadays. Many of the kids he looked at lived with their parents and spent next to nothing, but also had limited prospects of paid work with a decent wage and prospects. Of course it becomes a vicious cycle, because the longer someone is socially alone and away from the workforce the harder it is to reintegrate into traditional ways of life. Avent posited paid work as a trade off, something often not pleasant in itself but a means to enjoying life more outside of work. Well, if the returns from available work are so low, and the means required to live comfortably so minimal, we should not be surprised if layabouts, or rather screen junkies, is what we create. We should remember this before we judge too harshly, and also put ourselves in the shoes of the anxious parents with such offspring at home.

So screens may the modern obsession and the thing we must guard against overuse. The risks are clear. If it becomes more important to check our facebook feed first thing in the morning than greeting our partner then our priorities have become skewed. We need sleep more than anything, and it is sleep that is lost due to late night screen obsession. Our moods can also be affected – I am among millions who find it hard to resist a Trump news story, yet I know my mood will only be darkened by clicking.

Another interesting article in the same episode of 1843 (April-May 2017), this time by Derek Thompson, talked about our different social media personalities. He freely admitted that on Twitter he snarks, on Facebook he preens, on Instagram he poses and on Snapchat he goofs. He argued that this was all fine and dandy, indeed offering a release to those parts of his personality that otherwise would stay hidden and build up trauma. I appreciated his honesty and fresh attitude, but I would add that all this requires moderation to be healthy. It also requires enough wisdom to realise that everyone else is snarking, posing, goofing and, especially, preening too, and that if we must compare our lives to others, we should use real experiences of our friends not their Facebook exaggerations.

So limiting social media was number one on this list of happiness tips, and probably will remain at number one on survey after survey for years to come. But there were seven other items as well.

We are urged to value our free time and to be ready to spend money to protect it. Examples quoted demonstrate what a rich world, pampered list this is, including ordering in food or sending out laundry. But it is a well-made point. Since most of us are time poor, we should find whatever ways we can to grow leisure time.

Next comes an encouragement to embrace emotions. This is one I can use myself. An example for me is the first hour of the day. Now I am time rich, this hour can offer such joy, if only I take it slowly enough and mindfully enough to actually experience that joy. Even now, too often I wolf down my delicious breakfast and treat coffee as a task to complete not a pleasure to savour. We spend too much time on autopilot, and consciously recognising pride or amusement or excitement or other such emotions can help to make us happier.

Fourth is letting go of grudges. This one is rather biblical, recalling stories of forgiving seventy times seven times and of loving our enemies. I have tried this one myself, and, with practice, have found it easier than I thought it would be and totally effective. There is such a lightness created by genuine forgiveness.

The fifth one I also found interesting, and rather less in tune with most such lists, and it concerned vacations. Most of us build up stress week upon week, and need a break every so often to recover. But then we make rookie mistakes with our vacations. We fail to plan, and end up building up stress in airports or last minute arrangements that usually fail. Or we try to achieve too much, having no doubt read surveys about the importance of experiences, and forget to relax. Or we have expectations radically different to our travel partners, leading to conflict and resentment. Of all of these, setting time for relaxation is the most important for me. We should always visit one less city or try out one less activity, or even arrive home a day earlier, if the result is feeling properly rested.

Next, we are encouraged to seek out green space, even if this is limited in a city. We can always find nature if we actively remember to look out for it, and then take the time to appreciate it. I classify this one with the advice about savouring emotions.

Number seven advises us to nurture and maintain friendships, not just family ties. I am poor at this one. My daughter, a teenager at the time, once memorably said: “Dad, you have no friends”. I took this to heart and did something about it for a few years, but have slipped back to old habits since. Seemingly, I am running a risk of loneliness in old age by this behaviour. I don’t know if I am alone, but I find this tough. Generalising completely, guys I usually don’t empathise enough with to want to spend lots of time with, while women I fear would become a source of jealousy or misunderstanding in my marriage. And I have always been very comfortable in my own company, so maybe lack a drive to be very sociable. Perhaps I’ll find a way to solve this one before it is too late.

The last advice is another one like letting go of grudges, and that is to indulge in random acts of kindness. I bore on about our trips to the old folks home to volunteer there, but the truth is that this has transformed our lives. I am not naturally kind, but I am blessed with a wife who is, and she has trained me to discover kindness and its blessings.

I find these eight useful tips, for someone in a pampered scenario who has every chance to be healthy. They don’t help enough if we are physically, mentally, emotionally or operationally challenged in serious ways. Perhaps the best way to see the list is as a way for happy people to become even happier, and there is nothing wrong with that.