A World of Blessings

 I have been feeling rather short of inspiration for blog postings over recent weeks. Perhaps my new life, always with cancer as part of its context but no longer dominated by it, has become so familiar in its experiences and its emotions to have become humdrum. If so, I guess that is a good thing. A few people have been wondering about my silence, and perhaps some are worried that silence portends change for the worse, but are frightened to ask in case it upsets me or somebody else. They can be reassured, with my thanks for their concern. Motivated to write but lacking fresh ideas, I had an inspiration this morning to return to one of the safest topics of all. I can count my blessings.

 

Perhaps the most immediate blessing to count is that it seems we can now put the October infection episode behind us. Looking back at it, perhaps I was less concerned by the infection than I should have been. Hospital was no fun and every procedure leads to thoughts of demise, but overall I managed to tolerate the experience rather easily. Maybe having my head opened up for the fourth time in twelve months felt less scary because of its frequency. But now that I can take some distance from the episode, I realise that my doctors took the infection very seriously indeed, and their prior experience would have given them great cause for concern. They threw all their weapons into the battle, and it appears that this was wise and successful. Four weeks after discharge, I am still pumping a heavy dose of antibiotic through my PICC line three times per day. But the message from three consultations last week was consistent. The experts were worried, but now feel reassured and very relieved.

 

I often speculate about how the illness is likely to develop, but nowadays I try not to ask too often and to take an attitude of worrying less but coping more. Every case really is its own story and will evolve at its own pace. The infection is quite a good case in point. It had little to do with the cancer, beyond the fact that chemotherapy might have made me more susceptible. It feels likely that when things eventually do head south, it might be because of a treatment side effect or even something completely unrelated to the cancer. I just have to stay positive and balance optimism with preparedness.

 

So my first blessing is that this particular complication did not turn into the beginning of the end, and maybe, just maybe, not the end of the beginning either (thank you Mr Churchill for the chance to use one of my favourite quotes). This outcome was not a miracle, but more a result of good fortune and good medicine, but it is still worth celebrating. The setback even came with a great bonus of a month’s pause in the chemotherapy (it will probably restart next weekend). I have had no trace of nausea for three weeks now, and my appetite is as strong and as joyful as it has been in a year. Last night we had a lovely dinner with good friends, including a bottle of wine. The chemotherapy seems to be doing its job and I will return to it without complaint, but the interlude has been a lovely reminder of past blessings. Perhaps there is a future for some of those blessings too.

 

Then I can constantly remind myself how blessed I am to be able to live a more or less unconstrained life. I cannot drive any distance, but I live in a city with great connections and have a willing driver as a life partner. I can pursue my singing hobby with abandon. I sang on seven of the first eight days of this month, and have at least seven concerts to look forward to singing in during the month starting on November 18, not including our lovely church masses.

 

If I want to whine about how awful the subway is during the evenings, I can remind myself that many people live where there is no subway at all. If I want to become miserable about the temporary block on my swimming, I can think of all the people for whom there is no available pool for miles. If I get annoyed by one surgeon making me wait nearly three hours in his clinic, I can recall that this has not happened before to me, consider the person who needed an urgent operation, and even spare a thought for the lost family evening of the poor surgeon himself, no doubt something he has to put up with far too often. If I feel like moaning about the cesspool of US politics and much of its policy, I can remember how lucky I am to have to chance to live here and to spare a thought for those in Gaza, or Zaporizhzhia, Sudan, Somalia or anywhere else beset by conflict.

 

I am blessed by having so many places I can find peace, notably our churches and the old folks’ home where we volunteer. These places enable me to pray and to remain thankful and positive. We can even still dream about a more permanent peace in Portugal before too long, if we can stay on track and clear away the remaining obstacles.

 

Much of this would not be possible without a supportive and caring life partner by my side, which might be the biggest blessing of all. Add in all the other wonderful family members and friends and it becomes simple to cast away any gloom.

 

Thankfulness is truly life’s magic sauce. And I have more reasons to be thankful than most.