Measuring Progress

 I have a trick I have used for some time to measure whether I am making progress at becoming a better singer. I started to use it because developing competence in singing can be a depressing business. You are always so far from your ultimate goal, and you never seem to be moving forward, partly because the goal itself seems to be moving further away.

 

Other disciplines are similar – I also noticed it with golf. You start with a self-assessment which might be five out of ten and set yourself a target of reaching eight out of ten. But by the time you are prepared to accept that you have moved forward to six or even seven on the original scale, it becomes clear that there is so much that you now know about what you cannot do that your original scale was wrong and the first assessment should have been five out of twenty. Such it continues: progress is halting, and even as you make progress the goal is moving further and further away.

 

My trick in this situation was to give myself a fair indicator of progress. Most of the time I was struggling with new pieces, testing myself on tougher material and noticing how far I was from success. Every so often I would break the cycle by going back to try to sing a piece from a year or more ago that I had struggled with and reached a certain level but then discarded. I invariably found that, a year later, I could just pick up the former piece and sing it far better than I ever could before. This was proof that I must have improved during the intervening year. I just needed a way of noticing it and proving it to myself.

 

This trick works. I have used it repeatedly, most recently when starting to jam again with a friend. I have recommended it to other singing students and tried it with other disciplines too. It is great for morale and gives more motivation to continue to struggle up that long hill.

 

Recently I have started to use my trick in a completely different context, that of my cancer. With cancer, just like singing in some ways, progress is usually slow and easy to miss. You go forward in tiny steps but backwards with huge leaps. It is good for morale to find ways of measuring those tiny forward steps in ways that I can believe myself. Morale is important, especially when facing something where the long-term prospects are not good.

 

Luckily, I have had many opportunities to use my trick with respect to my cancer. Yesterday I went swimming at our local pool, after my neurosurgeon’s team finally agreed that it was safe once again to do so. I do enjoy swimming, and I always feel better afterwards, especially if I reward myself with a few minutes in the steam room. But yesterday there was another bonus. I was able to compare my swimming experience with the former time I had resumed swimming, back in April or May of last year, also after recovery from an operation or other treatment.

 

Yesterday I found myself able to swim sixteen lengths with relative ease. Furthermore, the walk home afterwards was easy too, despite the rather icy conditions. Using my trick, I thought back to last spring. The first swim then was only of eight or ten lengths, with some difficulty getting in and out of the pool and rests after every length. Even more telling, it was a real struggle to hike up the hill on the way home. The conclusion was inescapable and highly encouraging. Even though I had been deprived of the exercise for many weeks, I must be more fit now than I was last spring. It wasn’t just somebody trying to convince me to make me feel better, this was measurable proof.

 

Then another example presented itself. A year ago, a project started that involved teaching some songs to a class of kids on Monday afternoons. I was only a bit part teacher, but even so it was a real stretch for me at the time. I remember having something akin to a panic attack during the first session, which I attributed to having such a noisy and crowded environment around me while I was still suffering from double vision. Now, a year later, a similar class is being prepared, and I find myself quite comfortable in taking on more of a leading role. Again, I conclude this as evidence that I really must have progressed a long way from the dark days of January 2023. Those days did not seem all that dark to me at the time, but for sure the prospects now must seem brighter.

 

Another example occurs to me while reflecting on emotions during our two trips to Europe. Last spring it almost felt like a miracle that we were able to make it to Europe and back, something of a final blessing conferred on me. I spent a lot of the trip close to tears and in a mode of farewell rather than anything forward looking. There was a marked contrast on the trip that has just concluded. This trip was about relaxation, but also planning for the future, a future we both very much believe can come to pass. The only time my emotions got the better of me was on the final morning at Faro airport, when concerns came flooding back about a foreshortened future. We were still sanguine about what will eventually lie ahead, but now with a context of progress and the real possibility of future joy to anticipate if we are fortunate.

 

My last example is short. Yesterday I also paid my six-monthly trip to the dentist for cleaning and checkup. As I left the practice, I found myself saying to the hygienist that I would see her again in six months. Then I caught myself. Six months? Will I still be around in six months? Well, perhaps not. And perhaps the next hygienist I see will be in Portugal. But the realised that the careless farewell salutation was significant. It was proof that I am able to plan six months in advance, without cancer dominating the thought. This is surely a sign of mental progress. My prospects have not changed very much, but my mental attitude to those prospects has changed radically.

 

I recommend the habit of finding ways to prove progress, in whatever field. The setbacks are obvious when they occur. The recoveries can be less visible and easy to overlook. Setbacks are big, recoveries small. As a former boss put it in another context, trust arrives on foot but departs in a Ferrari. It is important to measure the progress, so that we can really believe it is happening and is not merely an attempt to build morale. For measures of progress are proof of progress, and the morale engendered is much more powerful. And for now I have all the proof I could ever wish for.