More Miracles Achieved and still more needed

 I cannot imagine our first month in Portugal going better than it has. We have been lucky and we have been smart. Yet despite all this success, the month has opened my eyes much further about the challenges still ahead for both me and for my wife as we continue our shared journeys to different destinations.

 

The first week in Portugal almost felt it could have come from the creation story in Genesis. Every day brought fresh major challenges and opportunities to fail and jeopardise our entire project, yet every day we managed to step up to the plate.

 

The primary blessing during our creation week was that I felt so well. Indeed I still feel very well nearly a month later, perhaps even a bit better each day. If I had been a burden during that time then even my splendid wife might have buckled under the strain. As it turned out, we were quite an effective team and equipped to benefit from the good luck that perhaps a higher power chose to gift us that week.

 

On the seventh day God rested, and I wonder if we will also look back on our first Sunday as the most significant day of that frenzied week. For it was on the Sunday, thanks to a kind a diligent contact, that we discovered the church community that should serve us well in Portugal. The church is a drive of three quarters of an hour, one of so many burdens I impose on my wife, and is Anglican rather than Catholic, but the community is surprisingly vibrant, the location wonderful, and the service gratifyingly spiritual. Their choir is also quite active and well-led so Genesis Sunday also re-started our choral singing.

 

During that first service I could not prevent my mind from wandering forwards in time. Despite having so long to plan our move, how is it that I had completely overlooked so many key aspects? Of course I need a place to die and be cremated that will be suitable for others to gather, even if I have no pretensions of grandiose funerals accompanied by choruses from the Duruflé requiem. My emotions swung in waves between fear and dread, worry and pity for my wife, and the potential for peace. Since then, the emotional balance has gradually become healthier. What a large step forward Genesis Sunday gave us.

 

My emotional burden has continued to ease as we head to the conclusion of our first month in Portugal. By now I suppose we are well into the Pentateuch, yet our luck continues to hold. We have managed to balance more successful administration with starting to relax and enjoy ourselves. It has helped that our younger daughter has visited us not just once but twice already, for she can help both practically and emotionally. We have enjoyed many long walks by the beach already, and rediscovered some of our favourite Algarvian restaurants. We have greeted other relatives and friends, some established and some new. We have even discovered what seems like a very suitable community choir to enjoy together.

 

All the way through this month, the potential for disaster has lurked but somehow been averted. How I have stayed so well has felt like one miracle. The opportunities for being denied entry owing to some non-compliance or error, a calamitous breakage, a fall, a major setback to the renovations, a refusal or deferral of medical treatment or revelation of inadequate competence to meet our needs, something failing at the bank or the car showroom, all of these were events of high jeopardy that somehow worked out in our favour. And now we are surely past the worst and can approach what remains without so much dread.

 

Despite these successes and the peace they are gradually helping to build, of course the fundamentals of our situation have not changed. I have had several weeks of wonderful health, but Dr Mellinghoff was clear that we should be ready for more episodes and permanent unwelcome changes, perhaps quite soon. I suspect that he may have been even more open with my wife.

 

We have made our choices and for me I am grateful that we made the choices we did. I am confident that I will be able to deal with my own future. For my wife I hope it turns out the same, but, prepared though I thought I was, I am not sure that I was fully attuned to the scale of change that our choices will impose on her over the coming months and years.

 

It is worth remembering once again the old adage about the three toughest changes commonly faced during a lifetime. They are dealing with a death or divorce, dealing with a major change in employment and dealing with a change in place to live, especially one involving long distances and multiple continents. My wife is already facing up to each of these three changes, in as stark an environment as could be imagined. Caring for a terminally ill husband and what follows, retirement from a gratifying job, and moving across the world to a place where she has few roots: each of these three challenges are monumental. I pray more than ever that we have as much time, and especially as much healthy time, as possible to give her the best chance to prepare and face up to this cocktail of challenges. The social aspects of this are as important as the technical ones. Giving up work, attractive but leaving gaps in everyday life, may be one of the toughest parts.

 

So far she has been magnificent. Challenge can bring out the best in us. An example is driving a car. It is now nearly two years since I could not safely drive any distance. During that time my wife’s driving has progressed from tentative to confident so that she is now a very effective road warrior. Practice makes perfect. The same is true for some other life skills, especially those ones which I formerly dominated in our marriage such as managing the finances. Sometimes it is not easy to give these things up, and I do become frustrated and interfere on occasion. I suppose my own burden is not trivial either.

 

As usual we know where to find solace. Some fear can be healthy and we do well to accept and embrace it. Prayer is helping us more than I ever previously imagined. The companionship of friends and family is a wonderful comfort. And we have as much to be grateful for as ever before. As we start to settle into a more relaxed routine, hopefully in reasonable health, thankfulness can permeate all we think and all we do.