Overcoming Fear of Retirement

It was about ten years ago that my vague dreams of a very early retirement started crystallising into an intention. A year later I had a deal in my pocket, and a year after that, just before my fiftieth birthday, I left Shell and embarked on a life with a major anchor removed. I have not regretted the choice for an instant.

The lack of regret does not mean that everything turned out as I had envisioned. My ideas of lazy days in the Portuguese sun were always a bit of a mirage. Then I separated, found a new partner and new energy, and eventually found myself on a different continent in a bustling city. One preconceived notion of retirement, of being open to see where life led, did come to fruition, but in a more radical way than I had considered.

I encounter a range of reactions when I tell people that I departed from a stable job at such a young age. Many are envious and admiring, a few are a bit dismissive, and some are just baffled. At the time, a few people tried to talk me out of it, notably my mum. Her stated logic was about my need to stay active mentally to avoid early ageing, but I suspect part of her unstated logic was to protect her nest egg and her ability to show off about her achieving son to her friends.

There are some common themes among reactions. While asking me questions, people are inevitably thinking about their own situations. The most common thought whirring through people’s heads starts with “I could never do that, because…” The most common question, and one I still struggle to answer, is “What is it that you actually do all day?”

Taking account of all the reasons people claim they could not retire so early, I have come up with five broad categories. I classify them as fears, concerns about what might happen. Some are clearly stated, while others are obscured or even unconscious. The fears overlap somewhat. I actually think only the first of the five is fully valid. I believe the others are usually excuses propping up delusions or denials.

The first fear is of poverty. This is the valid one, and the one I can’t help much with. Of course most of us live to a great age nowadays and we need some financial security. Governments and firms can afford ever less generous pensions, while our kids need our support ever longer in the age of spiralling house prices and lifetime student debt. Few people can have the luxury of even considering sacrificing a stable income without taking a reckless gamble. I was blessed with that luxury.

However, often it is those few who are most strident about the other fears. And perhaps the minority who could consider retiring is somewhat larger than we might assume. While you do need money for any quality of life, you can certainly live well in a smaller home. Not all of us have kids, and some kids have good prospects and others might do better without so much support. There is paid work available for people in late middle age nowadays. Before using this fear to conclude that retirement is off the table, it is certainly worth doing some sums.

The second fear is of ageing. I find this the most misguided of all the fears, but also perhaps the most prevalent. It is where my mum started. I think what happens is people look at the retired people they encounter, who of course are usually old and often infirm, and they project themselves into that existence and conclude it is not what they want. This is plainly silly. It is Father Time that makes you old and getting sick that makes you infirm. Retirement does not accelerate it, it happens at its own pace.

Of course staying active is good for physical and mental health. But there is no reason at all for becoming inactive on retirement, indeed rather the opposite. Diverse opportunities for paid and unpaid work and for hobbies are truly abundant. I believe I am much more healthy that I would have been if I had still been grinding away for Shell. My mind is freed into more places than before, and my body appreciates better sleep patterns and proper exercise. I have many fewer aches and fewer illnesses than I did before. I believe that would be true for almost anyone, and this fear should simply be discarded as misplaced.

The next fear is of boredom. This is usually almost as groundless. It lies behind the question about what I actually do all day. Now I admit I might have been a bit lucky. If was in Portugal all the time I might get a bit bored occasionally, though I am sure there would be compensations. But even there it would be a true failure of imagination not to be able to find things to do that are fulfilling, and in New York the list is endless.

Activities are important, but start with the basics. I love the first two hours of the day, with a languid start, companionship, savouring breakfast and coffee. I love the chance to read and relax and reflect each day. I recall when I first started attending church regularly, how the quiet reflective hour became an oasis from the pace of the rest of my life. Well, now I have that oasis all the time, at Church, at home or anywhere else. Then, with any sort of open and curious attitude, the chances to study, or volunteer, or work, or just bum around with others, or travel, or walk, or read or write or sing, I promise you’d find something.

Actually, for most I suspect the fear of boredom is really a fear of dull activities imposed by a partner or others. It is fair enough not to be enthused by hours of babysitting, or hanging around shopping malls or coffee mornings, and there might be an unspoken expectation in a marriage that this is what life would entail. This is not really fear of boredom, but fear of self, of which more below.

The fourth fear is of irrelevance. This one is all about status and ego. It is amazing how many people really think that their firm could not carry on without them. What rubbish! Just look at these wonderful demonstrating kids in Florida and the sad people in politics – those of us over fifty should just get out of the way! If we really need to see our names near the top of organisation charts, or underlings to make us feel important, then we have an ego problem, and, once again, a fear of self. Are we frightened of exposing ourselves as a failure, to our partner, kids, parents, self? Well, we had better address that, ideally before we retire.

So the fifth and deepest fear is of self, and it often lies behind the other fears. Work is a wonderful way to procrastinate, to stay busy enough not to have to think too hard, or to avoid true communication within a stale partnership. Most of us have some fear of self, and most of us spend our lives running away from it. But of course that fear can be dealt with, and sooner rather than later, because it tends to only become stronger if left to fester. Confronting the possibility of retirement can be a great starting point for necessary healing.

So those are the five fears. I think I have a degree of all of them myself, but all have been reduced by retirement, so retirement has turned out to act as a healer rather than a harbinger. The same might be true of you. If you can get beyond the first fear, I have real doubts that any of the others should hold you back, unless you really, really enjoy your work. That is you enjoy every day, every meeting, every early morning alarm, every encounter with your boss, every foregone opportunity for culture or reflection.

And of course it is healthy to consider the fears even if retirement seems way off, because nowadays no job is truly secure and none of us know what lies around the corner. Addressing these fears as part of a voluntary process is far better than being confronted with them under duress and with the ego taking an additional battering.

Ten years ago, fate presented me with some vague dreams, and somehow I managed to put one foot in front of the other and follow them up, confronting fears along the path. I feel truly blessed that I did.