This is always a joyous time of year. Last night it was a little cold so I wore a coat to choir practice but I did wonder if that would turn out to be the last time it was necessary. I have a complete schedule of rehearsals and performances for all my groups leading up to the summer break. It should be possible to enjoy the wunderschönen Monat Mai, even if there will be a week of oral chemotherapy and an MRI included.
Even in normal situations, our planning horizon varies through the year. This season is all about planning the details of the summer. The spring season winds up during May and by the middle of May we aim to have a complete schedule for the summer months. Then there is a planning pause until late July, when we start to plan the detail of our fall activities.
With my illness, our planning horizon has been shortened. During the heavy treatment phase, we were planning from month to month or even week to week. There was a rarely stated belief that planning beyond the spring was rather pointless, because there was such a high chance that the illness would develop to disrupt any plans.
It would probably be prudent for us to maintain that same short planning horizon now. Even though the treatment has gone well so far and I am on a rather settled regime now, setbacks and developments can occur at any time. Planning too far ahead can easily bite us in the bum.
But the emotional benefits of planning for the summer outweigh those thoughts of prudence. We have arrived at summer planning season just at the moment when the health prospects seem most stable. In this situation, this week we made the unconscious decision to ditch prudence for a while and to plan for the summer. Bonus time has officially started!
I celebrated this declaration by taking some decisive actions this week. We booked our flights for our five week trip to Europe in May and June. That milestone has always made me feel very good, though in a normal year there would be a countervailing negative emotion because the prices are currently so high. One benefit of having a shorter life expectancy is that splashing out is somewhat easier to do.
We are in the midst of a debate about travel insurance. I have always been an insurance sceptic, reluctant to let others make exorbitant margins when I could afford to manage my own risk and be fairly sure that this was an economically sound move over the long run. Of course our risk of needing to make changes to our plans has increased now, but my inclination is to maintain my normal principle, and some fishing around websites this week only confirmed this preference. The quotes for travel insurance were high enough, but then there was the additional concern about eligibility. I suspect that I am not covered for medical claims unless I declare my condition fully, and that making such a declaration would multiply the coverage cost. It is pointless to buy and not declare, since in the event of any claim we would be found out for sure. We will investigate further, but as of now I am inclined to simply accept the risks involved.
Booking flights was not the only action signifying the start of bonus time. I also booked myself on a summer singing course. That also made me feel very good, and with the same absence of countervailing guilt or anger about cost. I paid the deposit without even bothering to check the price of the course, something Ib would never have done before.
The third action was a bit different because it did not involve any new financial outlay. I have resumed spending an hour a day on my Portuguese language website, www.practiceportuguese.com. Wow, this is an impressive course. On the first day it seemed like I had remembered nothing, but things came back quickly and by day two I felt I was motoring along the highway. By the time we actually arrive in Portugal I am hopeful of being considerably more skilled in the language. True, this no longer makes sense as a ten-year investment, but somehow it seems to make every sense as a short-term project for its own sake.
I suspect there are other summer projects awaiting me, and I will be alert to the possibilities over the coming weeks. Being less concerned than before about financial aspects is one likely recurring theme. Pursuing hobbies for pure pleasure may be another. Learning for its own sake, regardless of the long-term, may well be another theme. And a fourth may well be altruism. I am blessed to have been given this bonus time, whether it turns out to be fleeting or even quite long. I can use it for my own pleasure, to benefit those who I love, and potentially to do some good for others too.
The last thing that we have initiated this week to mark the start of bonus time is a reopening of discussion about potentially moving permanently from the USA. God willing, my wife has many productive and potentially pleasurable years ahead of her, no matter how quickly my disease develops. It is too easy to put everything on hold. There are always many ready excuses for inaction and procrastination, starting with the need to allow a course of treatment to be completed. But there are advantages to be gained by taking a more proactive approach, even if that involves some risk.
This is a complex discussion, especially because of the context of our parallel journeys to different destinations. But the declaration of bonus time makes such discussions possible. If we come at it with a positive attitude, it could even be a source of great pleasure and an opportunity to grow more love. While creating a legacy should not be a goal from this process, it might also be another happy outcome.
We can have no idea how long this bonus time can last. What we do know is that hiding in inactivity and procrastinating will only deny us of pleasure. Some tough times surely lie ahead of us, but let us take advantage of the bonus while we can.
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