On Vulnerability

I met Elise van Doorn the other day. Elise has been one of Applied Leadership coaches. I asked for some blog inspiration, and she immediately came up with the word vulnerability. I would never have thought of that, so maybe it is a very feminine value. But it got me thinking. So thank you Elise.
I mainly know the word vulnerability from playing bridge. My wife and I play bridge together, a lot, it was how we met and has been a great social lever in all the countries we have lived. In bridge, you start the game not vulnerable. Then you achieve something and become vulnerable. When vulnerable the rewards for success and penalties for failure increase. And if you achieve something else you cross the finish line - you have to be vulnerable as a stepping stone to closing out the game.
Strange word, strange application. Whoever invented bridge could have used many other words for this stepping stone. Pregnant for one. But it was rather brilliant. Key is you have to be vulnerable to win, and vulnerability opens unique alleyways and rewards, at the cost of being open to greater perils.
I think this gets to the heart of why the concept is powerful, and being vulnerable is something we should all aspire to. Being vulnerable means acknowledging gaps - gaps in control, or power, or in knowing what to do. In our own heads, acknowledging gaps is the best step towards closing them. If we can also acknowledge gaps with others, that in effect makes it OK to get help - it creates a problem shared, and extra space for solutions. It is how we move forward.
In coaching individuals, and in offering guidance at events like GBLP, one of the most common things I suggest is that people give more of themselves in order to get more from others. By telling stories about weaknesses or frustrations, by sharing how one is feeling, by being vulnerable, it can create a greater bond with others. They can share back - feelings, solutions, vulnerabilities - which can then lead to progress. Simple, but how many of us routinely do it? It is the antithesis of a management culture of competition, of perpetual ranking.
Look at the very greatest leaders. Mandela, Ghandi. Maybe Obama in the future. Vulnerability is or was a central part of their makeup. In business, I love the example of Laffley at P&G, and how he changed the innovation culture to be more external. He started by acknowledging that internally he didn't have the capability to succeed. He made it acceptable to get help from outside. Vulnerability. Immelt and his Customer Council at GE has similar aspects.
Look again at those politicians. One part of their success was that others warmed to them, others wanted to follow them, others gave their discretionary energy to them. Look at the people at work you feel most inclined to follow or help - I'll wager that they are among the few that display vulnerability.
In knowledge sharing in GS, we use the Group catchphrase of Ask-Learn-Share. The more I see things in practice, the more convinced I become that the blocker is nothing to do with learning or sharing and everything to do with Asking. How many times have you asked for help this week? At meeting after meeting people complain about how hard it is to share what they know - no-one ever complains about how hard it is to find out what they don't know. Their mindset is not Ask. They are not ready to be vulnerable.
There are other linkages too. For example, diagnostic selling assumes that we don't know all the answers, it is a vulnerable approach.
So, Elise, I think you are on to something. If we are vulnerable we can be hurt. In a competitive or masculine culture that is a hard step to take. But only by taking it can we make true breakthroughs and win the game. I will work on this for myself - I'll make sure I acknowledge gaps, ask for help, share weaknesses. Will you try to do it do? Will you help me - I need it!