Special Gifts and Music

What is the most generous gift you’ve received in the last five years? What about the most generous gift you’ve given to someone else in that time?
I think the surprise party thrown for me last Saturday qualifies. In March, Dagmar Mekking sent me an IM message asking what I was planning for my farewell from Shell. I hadn’t given it any thought, and if anything was inclined to just fade away, fearful of sensitivities, budgets and so on. I told Dagmar I had no plans, so she wrote back with an offer. I should send her a list of people dear to me, and I would hear no more but something would happen.
Wow, what a gift! That someone so busy should feel motivated to make this effort was enough. But to take away all the responsibility was even more special. I duly sent the names, and a six line terms of reference (surprises are good, spending money and gifts bad, dinners and traditional speeches dull). Last Saturday afternoon I experienced the result, and was overwhelmed really. Thanks so much Dagmar, and Susan, Milly, Hariom, Gina, Sophie, Rob and and and.
It was mentioned at the party that my blog is brave, but that I haven’t written of love. And I’m not about to start. Yet the gift question reminded me of a book I’ve just read, a bestseller called “The Five love languages” by Gary Chapman. The basic premise is that we all have a preferred way to receive love, one of Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service or Physical Touch. It is worth investing in learning and feeding the preference of those most dear to us, as that way we will find it easier to keep their love tank full. The book was a bit corny and padded, much like management literature actually, but I found this core idea compelling. If someone close to you has Receiving Gifts as their primary love language, maybe you should ponder my question even more closely.
Enough on love – I don’t want to lose all my male readers so close to the finish line! The subject of the party was Music, since one of the things (other than writing) I’m dreaming of doing after leaving Shell is to devote more time to making, appreciating and leading music. I’ve done a conducting course and taken singing lessons for some years, and have been blessed with many opportunities recently to practice both.
Music is a wonderful hobby. But, parents beware, be careful about music as a career. As soon as money and need gets involved, the joy of the art has a habit of diminishing. Many of the professional musicians I have come across are poor, bitter, insecure, snobbish, and forced to be nice to people and situations they don’t respect. It is the same with other artistic careers I think, though of course there are glorious exceptions in every field. But as a hobby there is great liberation, growth, fulfillment and friendship to be had.
Learning to sing and to conduct have a certain frustration in common, which is that the more you know the further away becomes the finish line. It is only by making progress that you see what you still have to learn and how unattainable most goals are. I found a trick to help with this, which was occasionally to go back and re-learn a piece that I had sung twelve months before. What seemed so tough then always seemed easy a year later, and that way I could celebrate progress. Perhaps we can use that trick in other aspects of our lives as well.
I think choir directing is the most fulfilling activity I have ever discovered, because it challenges and rewards in so many directions. You are entertainer, teacher, cheerleader, listener, physical guide, organizer all at the same time, and it is amazing how developing on any one of these axes can improve the outcome. Yet there are few rules, many routes to success and massive scope to experiment. You also receive instant feedback, in the form of sound but also the animated faces in front of you.
There are many links between conducting/choir directing and leadership. Both are enabling roles – as soon as you see yourself at the centre you are lost. Benjamin Zander and Itay Talgam have carved niches as world class conductors who give advice to leaders, including at Shell conferences. Here is a link to a lovely piece of Talgam. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/itay_talgam_lead_like_the_great_conductors.html . Many of the skills I have acquired in Shell are fully relevant in choir directing. What a shame I can’t stop myself conducting like Mr Bean!
Maybe there is an activity out there for you, where you can combine a modicum of talent with a mountain of passion? You will only discover it by looking, so don’t leave it too late. And on the way, don’t forget to take pleasure from giving and receiving gifts.